Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

It is funny how life puts us in situations we never saw ourselves in before, not even in a dream. I remember lying in my bed every single night looking up at the sky from the window, looking at my future me, having everything a girl wishes for. Now, I realize that to be there I have a long journey ahead. I realize I have to work and wait and be patient. And I wonder why life is not as easy as it is in a dream. Then, I remember an old woman's saying ''life is a journey and sometimes it's not about what we reach at the end it's about the journey itself.''; the blend of happy moments and sad ones, the relief and the fear, the things we have to hold so dear and the things we let go, the plans that we spend days working on and the spontaneous moments that we live. So, we better go on in the journey with a big smile. Catch the happy moments and let go of the sad ones. This is life but sometimes we just don't see the beauty of it. Hopefully we all reach ecstasy that we spend our whole life fumbling to find.اللحظة الحلوة عيشها ...و اللحظة المرة ارميها

Written by:
Sarah N. Maghraby

Hello everyone,
First of all i want to thank all of you for visiting my blog and sorry for being off the internet for a while but i'm back again now : ) . i'm glad you liked my new novel under construction ''lost souls''. i'm still working on it trying to do my best to provide you with a good piece of writing. anyways i'm posting new stuff soon i hope you enjoy them as you enjoyed the novel when it was published and i'm waiting for your comment. wish you a happy feast in God's willing : ) .


Sarah N. Maghraby

The Thoughts of Two Lovers

She and him
She:Is that a dream or I died and it’s heaven
He:Look at my eyes. Tell me what happened
She:Nothing you are so handsome tonight
He:Why do you keep hiding to me
She:I … it’s just …a
He:You are crying
She:What no… no. I just don’t want to ruin our moments
He:Whatever happened I’ll understand
She:Why are you determined to know?
He:I can’t stop thinking of how much you suffered without me. I want to know how bad it was.
She:No matter how bad it was. What matters is that I’m here between your arms. Getting all the love and warm I need
He:I can’t believe I let that happen. I can’t understand how did I let you go?
She:It wasn’t your fault.
He:I couldn’t stop thinking, it’s not happening, it’s not true.
She:No it’s true. We are together tonight
He:From now on you’ll live in peace until I die
She:I’ll die first, I hope so.
End
The vision girl

Lost souls

When i feel so weak, I run to him so helpless like a child. He holds me close like he always does. These moment force my fears away and feeling weak turns to be the sweetest feeling because it brings us close. He doesn't speak much but his eyes say it all. They hug me and tell me things will be okay. The sun knocks our door, takes the light and fades away and the moon settels in the middle of the sky looking at us from the only window in the room. And my fears just fade away and the light is seen stronger. Sometimes, i wish i've been stronger and not relay on him that much. But then i feel blessed for my weakness strengthes our love.

Lost souls

Only with her I feel so helpless. I go to her room and she is lying there like an angel. do nothing but hold her hand. Sometimes I read her a story. A fairy tale like the one l lived with her. Sometimes it’s me who needs to be by her side not her needing me to be there. The simple fact that she is still breathing makes me cling to hope and I hold her hand like a baby clinging to his mother. I can’t help but talk to her sometimes. I know she can hear me. She makes sudden reflexes sometimes. The doctors said that’s what someone in a comma usually does, but I like to believe that she wants to tell me something and I explain it according to the situation. I’m missing her and I make sure she hears that every day. I want her back and I can do nothing and it’s killing me….

Whisper

I know she is angry with me. She always blushes when she is angry and her eyes _ I think_ get wider. I never apologize and I don't care if this is arrogance or vanity. I am what I am and she with her sparkling with evil eyes cannot change that. She maybe drove me to some of her wicked games, though. She has a name you know. Her name is whisper. A name her mother invented 'cause she loved angels that her daughter will never be one of them. But she enjoys faking it. I met her at a metro station and in nine months we were saying our vows. One day I go home early, I open the door to find…… no not another man. I'm not telling you an Indian trash… I mean movie. You don't see me singing every seven minutes ha. What was I saying, yah so I open the door and I find our maid soaked in her own blood. Of course that was not it. My ''angel'' was talking to the officers who showed more compassion to my wife than they did to the poor maid. They even were considering lying charges against the maid for threatening my wife. I'm sure when she was making the salad she didn't know that she'll pay the price dear for hurting those carrots. My wife had a point. She was cranky and the girl pissed her off. She is a human being and she can get cranky sometimes. I'm not sure if I was under a spell or I was blinded by love. I mean I couldn't resist her scent, her tears wetting her lips umm.
She had this look on her face an innocent mixed with guilt look. We were at this company Christmas party and she liked this lady's watch so much that she decided to have it. I don't know how she did it but soon after she did she told the lady that her watch was missing and she was engaged in helping her looking for this damn watch.
_'and what did you do about it'
_'not so much… one drink for Mr.!!!'
_'Robinson … a you can call me Ted'
_'okay Ted so I didn't really care. The woman was a bitch you know. But soon I realized that an action had to be done. She's always wanted more and more. Her demands just had to be done. I felt like a slave and I decided to make her stop. 'stop' I say. 'you are pushing me too hard'. ' how about one last push?' she says. And I fell down the stairs. Two months I spent in the hospitals. I had to listen to this woman's shit ' I'm sorry, I didn't think you will really fall plah plah plah.'
_'so you divorced her'_'no, even better. I locked her up in the closet. Yes I did. I smashed some of her sleeping pills in her drink three days after I got home. She woke up tied up and alone in the closet with a pocket. She refused to eat the first two day the food I tried to feed her. But then she had no choice. I know she is angry with me. She always blushes when she is angry and her eyes I think get wider sparkling with evil. I just can't help not enjoying it.
End.
the vision girl

When you are gone

When we go to a party together, I don’t spend time with you. I’d stand at the other side of the room and smile at you, pretending that we are secretly in love. And when I take you home, I pretend that this is our first night for us together and we have just came back from our wedding party. And when you meet me after I come from work, I see you as a child running to her papa. And when you are sad, I imagine that I’m taking you away to a happy world made of jasmines. And when you cry, every tear burns me leaving a scar. I would lay next to you at night afraid that I may die before you and leave you with no one to lean on. And now that you are gone, I cannot move two steps away from your gravestone. If I could bury myself alive with you to enjoy just watching you. I knew you would leave, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon. You left me here to live alone in this brutal world to mourn you. I can’t believe I let you go away. I hate myself for being so helpless. And that is when you are gone.

End

the vision girl

love is blind

Nothing but darkness I could see. Never cared, never will. Everything is here in this head of mine. Lights and bright shiny wrapped presents. The cake centered the table with everyone around. Happy birthday song was loud while I was sitting in my chair in the balcony next door to hers. I could see her smiling. Showing her white teeth. Putting her hands on the shoulders of two of her friends to make a perfect scene for taking the perfect picture. Then flash, awakened my memory of the good days of ours. The day I hit her _Not in purpose_ while I was entering the café she was leaving. She stopped, looked back I apologized and she smiled and left.

Then, the next day while I was sitting by the sea and she came and stood -right in front of me- did not seem to see me, looked at the sea with bright eyes which I could see when she turned in her way leaving so I smiled, but she didn't smile back.. That was our first date. Then, came that day when I woke up hearing her shouting at whoever was standing in front of her. And the sun rays which sneaked from the window made her brown hair shinning and the small lines which settled in her forehead made her anger look sweet and pretty.

Then came the day when she first spoke to me. When she was handled her mail from the postman she was opening one of them rapidly while I was passing by, looking at her and deep down in me I told her how beautiful she is. At that moment she took a deep breath, looked at the sky and said thanks. She said thanks and I floated. No thank you for everything. Then her birthday. That was the day when I first held her close to me. When she was crossing the street to reach her friend and I was there, trying to catch her to give her present. She was not aware to the running vehicle and I ran to her, took her away as fast as I could. Then we fall, and I haven't seen her since then although she was right there. Why? Because I went blind. But I don't care love itself is blind, and I'm the slave of love.

End.

By the vision girl

Diaries of a Doctor

we meet a lot of people every day. We see them in their moments of weakness, desperation, and pain. We touch them while their own families can’t. Yet, the connection is temporary. We fix them or lose them, the day ends and we move on, as if they have never been there. And it suits me just fine.

I used to love what I’m doing, the ability to save a life. I’m so good at what I’m doing. Today we were able to save a girl from going blind, I saved a baby’s life, but I didn’t feel it, the ecstasy of saving a life.

I thought of leaving my job, maybe move out and change my name… I remember a cartoon I saw in a magazine once, about a man sitting in front of a sliding door. One side has a sign says ‘’ DO NOT ENTER’’ and the other side has a sign says ‘’DO NOT EXIT’’. The man sits there, in front of the sliding door holding his hat and… he doesn’t know what to do.

The End

How sad life can get when you know that every breath you take maybe your last. When you look in the eyes of those who has been always fighting by your side and all what you see is the beginning of your end.when choices have to be made. You look back at your life and find that all the difficulties that shook your world seem small. You remember some of the smiles you left behind knowing that they are not to be back. Someone has to fight the good fight, that's the only thing you know for sure. And finally, we all get what we deserve.
End
The vision girl

Diaries Of A Lover

When she is weak, I fell weak too. I hold her close. Trembling between my hands she lays her head on my chest. She doesn’t know that but after a while I feel strong forgetting that that I’m the one who is supposed to make her feel that way. Sometimes I wish if I can put all of her pains in a bubble and blow it away with the cold winds of autumn. I wish it was as simple as that. Afterwards, we avoid looking at each other in the eyes because we are afraid the eyes will tell. The only way to avoid this is lying on our bed next to each other staring at the ceiling holding hands, and waiting to sleep, hoping that tomorrow things will change!

End

The vision girl

Dirty little secret ''We all have secets, some are nice, some are silly, and some are dirty''

It's always dark when I come from a mission. People are always sleeping. I open the door carefully so I don't make a noise. I go straight to the bathroom, and I throw up. Not every time. Only sometimes, when the victim struggle and beg. I wash the blood off my bare hands. Then I find out that I haven't taken off my mask yet. I take it off then my clothes and I take a shower then, another one then, another one. I try to wash the dirt, then I realize it's inside. A dog barking draws my attention back to the running water. Then I finish. I wear my stripped pajamas which my wife bought me. I put my black clothes in my hand bag on the knives then I bury them in the garden. I open my son's bedroom's door silently. I kiss him then pull the comforter to his chin and go to my bedroom I lay on my back beside my *sleeping* wife. When her hands touch mine a chill comes over me. And I remember faces of those whom I had to kill for money. I close my eyes then I open them quickly so that I don't fall asleep because I know they'll haunt me. My wife doesn't know that one of my victims was her father, and the money we bought the house with was the price. Now I see the look of her father's frightened face every time I look at her, at my son. I work as a back clerk in the morning you know. Sometimes I look at her and the words of who I am are on the tip of the tongue. I heal people in the morning and I kill them at night. I wish I could know a reason that justifies my killings, but the only thing I know about them is where they live and that they pissed off my bosses. Well I guess everyone has a secret. It's just mine is a dirty little one. I am a replacement killer!!
End.
The vision girl

EVERYONE HAVE A HAPPY RAMADAN WE KOL SANA WE E7NA MEN ALLAH AKRAB

Too late

Lying on the cold ground, I kept staring at the moon. Not that I wanted to, but my eyes kept staring. I had no other choice. The sounds were fading. Even my voice, I kept calling but nobody seemed to hear me. The air made my hair cover one of my eyes, and I couldn't move it away. I was not moving. I saw a face, a familiar one. Darling I need some help. Yes, move my hair. No, don't close my eyes, it is dark. Don't leave me in this darkness. Pull me from the wreckage. Yes, hold me close … ah not so tight. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Keep holding don't let me go. Now I see you holding me and crying. Why are you crying? Why I can see me. Why am I flying away? Bring me to you. Keep me between your arms. Breathe into me. Just keep me worm 'cause I'm frozen. This can't be it. There must be something more you can do. Don't let me die. Not here, not today. I'm not ready to die today in some alley in the dark. I still haven't wrapped your birthday present. I still haven't made you the chocolate cake you love. I still haven't told you I love you, not more enough. I still haven't seen our son, first day at school. I haven't grown old with you like I promised. I guess it is too late now… too late.

End.
The Vision Girl.

"before publishing anything i'd like to say that i've been writitng such stories since i was 13 years old and now i'm 18"

Lost souls

I can’t believe I’m wearing my suit to go to your funeral. I turn around as if you are here helping me wearing my jacket. I bend down to wear my polished shoes and I kneel on the ground and cry. You were supposed to go mine, not me going yours. My friends are here comforting me but I can’t hear a word. The way to the cemetery is the hardest. I have to move forward to reach a place where I should put the dust on you, and write your name on the gravestone and couple of words that are supposed to sum up your life, or what we had. And I remember every time I said no to something you wanted. Then it is over, the day ends and I have to go back home and sit alone in my chair next to the bed where I used to sit and watch you sleeping. I know I have to pull it together to move on and be able to live, but what if I don’t want to live. What should I do to be with you like you’ve always been with me? I keep rewinding the days we spent, and the day I lost you too. And I regret not knowing you earlier or loving you more than I do. I will always wear your ring, but will that last the memory of you. I don’t know, but I know one thing; I don’t want to carry on without you.

The Very End.

written by: the vision girl

The end of two lovers

She with him

She _Hold me close to you; I want to die between your arms

Him _No, I’m not letting you die, not tonight. You are going to die old. Do you hear me?

_Thanks… for everything, for everyday we spent together, thanks. These were the best days in my life ever.

_Stay with me and we will live together happier days than those.

_I can’t. They are calling.

_No not tonight, I’m not ready. Just stay with me.

_Tell everyone that I didn’t suffer. Tell them it was like falling asleep. Tell them I say thanks for every good day spent with them.

_You will tell them yourself.

_There is one thing I wanted to tell you. You are the….. I…. you are the best person I’ve ever known. I fell in love with you since the moment I saw you.

_And I love you. Please stay. Don’t die. You are the only one who makes things easier. Everything has a meaning since I knew you. I even have a reason to come back home sound. I …

_Take one last look at me. Remember my face. Remember my smile. Remember my hair.

_Someone wake me up from this silly dream. I don’t want to go through this. Not tonight. Not with the dearest one to my heart.

_It won’t last forever. Soon you will forget this night, and you will forget everything about it.

_No I won’t. This will live with me till my death. You will live with me forever.

_I don’t want forever. I just want now. Tell me something I don’t know

_You are too good to be true, an angel walking among us. Being with me is your huge mistake. You deserve a better person. Someone who stays in front of you all the time, thinking how beautiful you are

_You told me something I know you silly…

_Talk… why did you suddenly stop? Oh you are tired I guess. Okay I will close your eyes, put you gently in your bed, and maybe tell you a story. If you don’t want to talk it’s okay. I know you are … you are… ti….

End

written by:The vision girl

A picture

In a picture I see a day, a happy moment frozen forever. In a picture I see my past, and touch it. In a picture, I see my friends, even the ones who are not here. I see smiles that vanished a long time ago and never came back. I see peace in happy eyes all are looking at one place, the camera flash. Sometimes, I see people move, hear their voices speaking, laughing, and happy. And sometimes I make them wet with my tears, but sometimes it is just a picture, an object with no soul. Just a memory of smiles we had left behind. A moment we had lost in the middle of nowhere. A picture, just a picture hanging on a miserable wall.

End

written by: the vision girl